I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
