Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
