'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
