yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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