It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
