You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
