I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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