Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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