I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
