I need help removing her.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
