and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
