Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
