don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
