Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
