Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
