...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
