I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
