Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
