I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
