this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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