It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
