2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
