I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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