pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
