How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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