You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
