please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
