Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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