I looked at my own cervix.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
