I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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