Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
