My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
