Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
