well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
