It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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