You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
