i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
