I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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