there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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