I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
