So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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