Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
