I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
