I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
