woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
