I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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