I feel like I'm in dance class right now
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
