So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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