One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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