Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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