pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
