I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
