My hand turned me down
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
