Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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