Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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