I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
